Rest in peace

If you have a soul, it has to rest in peace. Does it matter if it has to be after you are dead? NO. Rather, it should be more when we are alive. Once we are dead, who cares about soul and mind and life and brain! It's more dramatic when we are breathing. Isn't it?

Absolutely. We all know how life is. People use various adverbs and adjectives to describe Life. It's abstract. We don't know what is in store for us. The only thing we need to get right is our soul needs rest. Soul is not your heart or brain, it's more of you. Your inner self. 

We are battling constantly with our inner self. The battle gets toughest when it is Inner I vs. Outer I. We tend to wear a mask of outer I to conceal our inner feelings, which we believe will be harsh for someone to take. We try to camouflage, tidy up, decorate, polish, or even be diplomatic to make sure we don't hurt someone. But, while we are doing this what happens to our inner selves? We try to sabotage our views, our perspectives, our original dialogues, which were actually our first choice. 

Just as our body is made up of mass, bones, nerves, and blood, what is our inner self made up of? It is made up of a reservoir full of emotions and original could-have-been first reactions. This reservoir has doors. What happens when this reservoir gets full?

Yes. The doors open. If they don't open, the reservoir bursts. Exactly as it happens at the time of monsoon or heavy floods. 

What's the solution? We have to keep emptying the reservoir based on situations. Yes, the chances are someone may be hurt as you drain. But, then that damage is survivable than the ad hoc bursting. Isn't it? People being affected may make you go through hell as you drain, you may get some degrees of "Being Selfish", "Being Rude", "Being inhuman"... But is that true? 

Do these people not empty their reservoirs? Do we really decorate them with these certificates? Not really. We absorb the drain and let them vent. 

If there is something that I could ever tell my life is: Oh Life, don't be so hard on us. We may not even enter your life again and again. (Original was in Gujarati: Ey Zindagi, aatli kathor pan na ban. Amey kya taari zindagi maa varamvaar aavana chhiye)

May my soul rest in peace!

Broken, loose earphones!

Traveling seems almost difficult without a pair of earphones. Day when you can't reach out for few of your regular I-can't-live-without things, you tend to freak out. Few such things (keeping aside the necessity such as wallet and cell phone) are: watch, lipstick, rubber band, sanitizer, moisturizer, and ear phones (in no particular order).

One such evening, traveling back home, I boarded an airtight-packed train. I reached out for my ear phones as usual. Came out of my purse were two strings of black wires, which were way more tangled than my early morning loose hair. When detangled, they pulled apart to the core, which was the 3.5mm jack insert. My traditional earphones appeared way more lousy than me on a Saturday morning! I wondered if I'll have to go through a boring ride! Now what?

A fraction of a second, and my innerself told me two things. A) I'm going to plug this in and check if it works. Even if one of them works, I'll be happy. B) If it doesn't work, for a change, I'm going to look around the sunset in a concrete jungle.

I started with A. Without panicking, without reluctance, without doubt, or without worries, I implemented A. I plugged them, tested it with a song, and bammm! They worked! Perfect sound with all those whatsoever bass-tremble-sound effects :)

As a self-made promise, I started looking around sunset too. Then, I tweaked the promise a bit and began writing this article!

With some soothing music, sunset, boarded on a train, writing this article, what did I learn?

I learnt that things are not as bad as they appear. Situations are not as uncontrolled as they appear. People are not as devil as they appear (well few are :)) Sometimes, life throws unexpected errors! Unexplained facts! Undesired choices! We are expected to live through all these! The more we panic, the more difficult it will be!

Nobody told us world is going to be a smooth ride! People whom we meet are always those whom we wanted to meet! Situations will be made-to-order! No. Nobody promised us our life will be a simple prince-princess fairytale.

Real life is exactly like this pair of loose ear phones! You work through it to win!

Happy as sun shine! Happy as a chirping bird! Happy as a wave in sea! Happy as moonlight!

Most of us become metaphorical when we see nature! We want to be one of them. We want to be someone like them!

I love the first ray of sun. It's pure. Golden! Vibrant and energetic. Motivates us to wake up, go past past, and make your day.

Then comes the lovely tiny chirping creatures! They just fill your ears with joy. Their nonstop chirping makes you feel you are not alone on this earth! You are accompanied by these birds who would soon fly away. Yet, they make you feel they are with you forever.

Even though, I haven't lived at sea shores or cities with beautiful beaches, I have still experienced the free flowing nature of waves in the sea. The sound they make, the pleasure of them touching your feet, when they make you feel they have waved across the ocean just for you - This is awesome!

The moonlight! When the light emits from moon, it's way whiter than any tube light. So many times, I have experienced the moonlight flowing through my bedroom window. As night sets in quietly, the pollution fades away and gives way to the moonlight, especially on the full moon day. This is one light that accelerates my sleep. I love the ambiance on any full moon night.

When we come across these natural occurrences, we want to be one of them. We want to feel what it is like to be one of these! These are the natural sources of happiness for me.

For some, these can soon turn into a scorching heat, a headache, unwanted wetness, and a disturbance in their sleep!

Hence, happiness has different definition for each of us.

Abstract Nouns

You are everything to someone. And, at the same time, you are nothing to someone else. For few, you are their world. And, for few, you don't even exist. Have you ever felt this at any stage of your life?

I have. Many times. Every time I've felt something like this, I've tried to put up a way stronger face than I can ever imagine.

Many times we beg to be understood. We want our presence or absence to be felt. But, it doesn't work that way. Our gestures are misread. Our humor is misunderstood. Our presence is ignored. Our absence is overlooked. Is there anything we are doing wrong? Are we expecting too much? Maybe, yes.

In my school, I learned something called 'Abstract Noun'. It means, something that can only be felt and not seen or touched. When I studied further, I realized, the meaning is not limited to 'not seen/touched', but it can also not be measured in terms of unit. Today, after being a student of one of the biggest institution, I realize how deep the meaning of abstract noun is.

Love, care, sympathy, honesty, affection, gratitude, are all such real time examples of abstract nouns. These are neither felt nor touched/seen! Maybe, it's time schools change the definition of what abstract nouns are all about.

Adjusting with absence

Everybody is destined to meet. Whoever you meet in the course of life was/is supposed to meet. The reason, the duration, the way they entered in your life, and the way the exited from your life - everything is already planned and destined. I believe, everything is replaceable. There is nothing in the world except few relationships that cannot be replaced. You may not find an exact match/replacement, but shall surely adjust easily.

The most number of people we meet is at work. Your professional journey has the highest number of footprints. Out of these, few leave their golden footprints on the sands of time! Just like you, I have also met a lot of people in my professional career. I have worked with many companies before I joined this company back in November 2008. However, this journey has been the longest so far. 6 years-and-still-going is not a small period. I've put down my papers and now I'm only few more days away to be an ex-employee!

In this course of time, I have made some really very-very good friends, which I never thought I'll ever get so close to them. Veena and Hetal have been really very close to me at work. Hetal is away on her maternity leave past 6 months, so it's mostly Veena and I that keep each other's company. When I disclosed my resignation news to Veena, her reaction was silent yet very loud. It contained eyes full of tears and a huge question mark on her face that kept asking "Why did you resign when you actually need the job". More than the need to know the reason behind resignation, her eyes conveyed the empty space that she'll soon have after I'll be gone. A reaction of you-are-not-replaceable really makes you feel you are very special and make you believe that there are still some people in this world who thinks your presence is needed in their life. 

However, it's a reaction that will phase out with time. When I will not be seen in the office, the reaction will subside. She'll adjust with my absence automatically. Of course, this no way means that she'll forget me or not remember me, but it only means that sometimes our reactions force us to be unhappy. And, it's very natural.

Before I met her, I too had a lot of friends with whom I used to spend time at work. When they left the organisation, I had reacted almost in a similar way. But then they were soon replaced by some other people, and those some other people were soon replaced by Veena and Hetal, and vice-versa!

What works here is the simple concept of 'Out of sight, out of mind'. When you stop seeing a person for a while, the image starts fading automatically. This doesn't mean that person no longer is your friend or not being remembered by you. It's only the adjustment that occurs in the background without your knowledge.

When you learn different ways of accepting changes, you explore the more-of-you. You know your capacity and that takes you very far. People walk in and walk out of our lives, regardless with or without knowledge. And, every time such thing occurs, you react, and then you adjust. And, it makes you more stronger.

*****     *****     *****

Veena, Hetal, if it's going to be hard for you, it's going to be harder for me. The time spent at breakfast, lunch, and snacks, will always be cherished. The pings on Skype will always be missed. Making faces whenever Veena ends up asking clarification on the simplest communication, will always bring smile on my face. And, the first time when Veena showed us the multi-touch feature of her Samsung Galaxy phone will make me laugh loud! Those knowledge-sharing-sessions on parenting will always make me feel that I'm older than you :) :)

You cannot ignore how you feel!

We are born with some eternal qualities. Such qualities that do not change with time. Rather, they become more stronger with very moment, every experience you gain. One such quality is to feel. You can never ignore how you feel. Sometimes, you just want to retrospect your once-in-a-while feelings. Maybe, not for your sake, but for others sake.

Kisi pal ko yaad karke, agar aankhon mein aansoon aa jaye,

Toh yakeen kar lena woh pal jaroor haseen rahe honge!

Kisi zakhm ko yaad karke, agar aankhon mein aansoon aa jaye,

Toh yakeen kar lena aap jaroor un zakhmo sey kuch sikhe honge!

Kisi saksh ko yaad karke, agar aankhon mein aansoon aa jaye,

Toh yakeen kar lena woh saksh aaj bhi aap key dil mein basey honge! 

Ek aarzoo aaj bhi hain dil mein, agar wo wakt mein wapas laut ney ki,

Toh yakeen kar lena aap aaj bhi woh guzre pal bhule nahi honge!

Embracing change...

Embracing change is easy. It is. Not as bad it feels as it sounds. When we are asked to adjust or replace something, we panic. We fear change. Immediately, we start thinking about How? Why? When? What if? All these questions are obvious and unavoidable.

We have a lunch group that contains few very beautiful and distinct souls! None of us are from the same project and hence all of us sit at different locations (in terms of desks and floors). Out of five, one went on maternity leave, one left the organisation, and now we are left with three of us. We have always eaten food at leisure. No hurry, no rush. Few rules we always followed - No eating at desk, No eating without heating, No skipping breakfast and newspaper, and go to canteen if you are bored. They say, 'Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince.' So what if we didn't have that kind of king-prince food, but surely we enjoyed the time-in-canteen as a king or a prince until one day..... 

there was a change in the company's policy. Because of the new policy, we had to let go our 'lunch at leisure' policy... Now, the time spent at canteen is not a part of our work hours. Any shortfall in the daily hours results in a half-day leave. So, the week when you have to leave early, you really have to be very calculative before you embark your footprints outside the barrier gates!

The routine that seemed non-adjustable, suddenly found a fluid layout! Everything got customized. Adjustments became easy. Replacements were accommodated. 

• The time-out became out-time
• The mornings that began with breakfast-in-canteen were now managed with a glass of milk at home. 
• The question 'how-can-one-eat-at-desk' automatically found an answer
• The granite table in canteen is replicated by moving keyboard and mouse on desk
• The lunch that was savored hot started tasting very-very delicious at room temperature 
• The four course meal was adjusted to two course (or was eaten at two different intervals!)

All the above adjustments, which once sounded difficult, were embraced easily. Ever wondered, why?  Two primary reasons - the external change was inevitable and the change that occurred was not informed. When these adjustment and replacement occur naturally or without you being told about it, it becomes very easy to adapt. You may not even know and when the things around you would have changed. It's not important to list down the pros and cons of a change. Neither it's needed to plan your change. Some changes in your life are not equivalent to moving a house where you need to sit with a paper and pen! Neither it requires a to-do list. Few tasks are best completed when unplanned! Such changes when left naturally are adapted quickly. Unconsciously, you start responding them in affirmative. 

Today, as I write this blog, I realize that it's so many days I have not eaten food with my lunch group. I have adapted the change to eat-at-desk so easily that I do not even wait for their ping on the messenger! The day never used to end if I would have not met my friend (who now sits on a different floor). Now, weeks pass without seeing each other! We manage our regular talks on messenger and that too very limited. 

Your thoughts are like water! They will take up a shape based on the circumstances. The only problem is you don't open the lid of the existing container to allow the water to flow! Change will come and it has to be embraced happily.

I am such a person who believes in closing the lid so tightly that not a single drop of water should spill! But then when the force increases, the lid automatically opens and the water makes its own way! Not every adjustment has to be thought in depth. Just do it!

I am missing my lunch group a lot! Hoping to adjust my routine in such a way that I continue to eat-at-desk and eat-at-canteen! Of course not simultaneously :)

You can eat alone...

I have a friend who worries when am on leave. Not because she misses me, rather for a trivial reason. She cannot eat on her own! Okay, I'll be nice to her. I'll rewrite this in a nicer way.

She needs a company at lunch. This doesn't mean she cannot eat alone, but she finds it boring to lunch by herself. She needs someone who can keep her company till she finishes her food. If she cannot find anyone, she'll change her lunch timing so that nobody can spot her eating alone!

My take on this is why can't you eat alone? Shop alone? Watch movie alone? I absolutely do not mean that you should not have a company. It's a blessing to have someone sharing space and time with you, but what if you can't have one? Wouldn't you look for alternatives?

Befriend yourself. You have a lot of capacity to handle yourself. You can mind yourself in a much better way than anybody else. You can amuse yourself in the best possible way than you can ever imagine. How come? Probably, we know ourselves more than anybody else. Our inner self knows what we want. There will not be any communication gap when you start talking to yourself. It's not about keeping yourself busy. It's about telling yourself that there are way more things to do. It's all about time, about getting used to it.

Difficult in the beginning, manageable by end!

What do i do when she is not around? Newspaper keeps me company!

Diplomacy - as we use today

Diplomacy is the art of telling someone to go to Hell in such a way that he looks forward to the journey! I read this quote somewhere and wondered if it really means it this way. If it is so good what makes it so rare.

We have always been taught that honesty rules, and when needed, you are allowed a white lie. As we move on in our lives, we learn that in many situations it’s a good idea to stay shut or handle things tactfully. We adopt diplomacy. Diplomacy consists of, but not limited to, preciseness, politeness, and positiveness.  The purpose is to avoid ugly confrontation, disagree agreeably, and express your opinions inoffensively. Being tactful helps you maintain your equilibrium of peace, cordiality, and respect.

But, nowadays, we have lost the real meaning. For us, diplomacy means answer in gray! Say something that is neither true nor false! Unintentional, but we choose to confuse matter even when things are clear to us. How these impact in long run becomes the purpose of this post.  

When frequently used, any mode of speech becomes a pattern. Such is with diplomatic communication. Even when you know you're not wrong, you’re honest, you start manipulating answers to stay safe. When asked a question that takes an answer, either Yes or No, you discover a third answer for no reason. Why? We never realize when this turns into a habit.

“Have I grown fat”, wife with extra pounds asked her husband. For the husband, diplomacy being an escapist feature, “No, I don’t think so. Naah, you've not. Females of your age usually look good with this weight”. Nothing wrong to answer this way as you can imagine wife’s reaction and husband’s quandary, if he chooses to answer honestly J But if the truth is conveyed within the array of the actual meaning of diplomacy, the husband would have faced his wife’s anger for a while but more likely she would have enrolled herself in a fitness program and actually lost some weight J Think of long run. Don’t use diplomacy to shield yourself.

“You have run over your timeline. Need to be there in the call to explain the delay to the client” said the project manager. Not possible was the fact known, the engineer said, “There’s no way we can achieve this… But if we do X for now, we’ll later replace it with Y. And maybe, we’ll do X.1 in between”. A diplomatic answer? Actual definition would have made the engineer say “No”. A plain “No”. Avoid unwanted words that can become an onset of confusion and perhaps, confrontation.

Many a times, we need to explain our opinions loud and clear. Ensure, we are heard. To be within the frame of diplomacy, we’ll start by “Yes, I agree to what you say, But….” And, then we start with lengthy facts that create more of a court-room scene. Or, we end up being a marketing agency of our opinions! The purpose of diplomatic communication is to disagree agreeably. Say, “I understand. Here’s what I was thinking…” This will give you enough room to put down your opinion. Perhaps, it will also put others in hearing mode!

The real art is to understand when to be diplomatic and most important how to be. People take diplomacy and honesty as two different factors. Diplomacy is a trait to describe honesty in the most amicable way. It is an aid that helps you believe in yourself. When used wrongly, it takes away your confidence and ability to stand by your thoughts.

We have met and will meet a lot of people in our life. With individual and conflicting personalities, each of us stands unique. Everybody possesses a great amount of power to be diplomatic. We deal with words, with statements, and of course, with unsaid answers! And at the end of the day, we understand the diplomacy we offer each other! 

Your life, full of ups and downs!

Very easy to say, 'One's life is always full of ups and downs'. But, extremely difficult for the person who is going through this ride. All of us have been to funfair. Have seated in the roller-coaster ride. We scream, we laugh, we make that frown face, and then we expel happiness. There are few little things that create such feelings. You live through each of these feelings because of those tiny little things such as butterflies in your tummy when the ride goes up, a fear when the ride gets you down, the happiness in your heart when you see that beautiful surrounding from the top, and suddenly that fright when you look down that tells you are going to hit the bottom of the earth!

Similar feelings are experienced in our lives as well. Nothing big, I've said. All of us are aware about this ups and downs. What I want to mention here is - Life is NOT like a roller-coaster ride. I beg to disagree with all those people who compare life with a roller coaster ride.

When seated on a roller coaster ride, you are aware about the next move. You know it is going to stop after a while. Regardless of the feeling, you know you are going to come out happy experiencing all those ups and downs. The moment you are out of the funfair, you are no longer going to remember these feelings.

But, with life? Life doesn't tell you what's next. The feelings that come with the ups and downs of the life do not come with an expiry date. They last forever. It creates everlasting memories. Happiness and sadness leave golden footprints on sands of time. The up time of life always make you remember the down time of your life. You're happy today, but you'll never be able to let go the sad times you once had. The people whom you left behind. You're sad today, you'll never be able to forget the happy times you once had. The people who were a part of that happiness aren't standing besides you today. Ups and downs are not opposite of each other. These are the lines that run parallel with your life. The sadness will always make you remember the happiness you once had, and vice-versa.

Hence, I would say life is not like a roller coaster ride. With the passing time, the feeling of sadness and happiness may not be there forever. It may come and go, but, the memories that it created will gain a permanent residency.

The real motivation

All of us need motivation. All of us have idols. Sometimes, these people can be celebrities who have worked very hard to earn the much-needed fame or are someone from our own lineage.

What about people who are younger to us? Can they become our ‘motivation’? Maybe, our kids? How can kids motivate us even being younger to us by at least 20 years. They haven’t earned that experience yet, and can't even spell the word correctly!

Aahana, my 9-year old  has exhibited such motivational acts many a times…

She has friends who regularly bring healthy snacks in their tiffin. What about Aahana? I reach home - tired, exhausted, hungry, and at times breathless! Thankful to my mother and cook, I don't have to contribute much in cooking. But, there's a lot of domestic work that must be completed before we hit bed. So, when Aahana shouts, "What shall I pack in my lunch box, mamma?" the most common answer she gets from me is, "Put those high-fibre biscuits, a handful of khatta-meetha mix, and some pieces of khakhra.” As the answer remains the same, just the order of items changes with every passing day.

One evening I was cleaning her tiffin, which smelled oily and spicy. I asked if she swapped her tiffin with any of her friends. “You know the kind of boiled corns we eat at the mall, my friend had it in tiffin. I loved it. And since I have dry snacks everyday, we swapped it for a change”, she answered. I asked why didn't she ask me to make it. “You are mostly short of time, you wouldn't have made it for me, would you?", she questioned.

I felt embarrassed, and later guilty! Making a corn-chaat isn't a big deal. I was always under the illusion that I don't have that kind of time where lots of domestic tasks need to be taken care of. Hence, I never made an attempt. I thought it would give me a run for time if I add one more task in the list. Finally, I decided to give it a shot on Monday. I prepared few things a night before. “Good Night”, Aahana looked at me, "Are you really going to cook me chaat tomorrow? Wouldn't you get late? I hope you'll not be upset if I don't wake up on time and then pack me some dry snacks as punishment…“ “Let's see!” is all I said.

Since she was excited, she helped me by dressing up on her own. Suddenly, she said “WoW! It smells delicious! Can we also add some butter? It's going to be much better than what my friends get. Can you cook some more as I want to share it with them. I’ll tell them you've cooked it in the morning for me! Can I have it every Monday since you'll get time to prepare a bit of it on Sunday…", she went on and on...

I don't know how much she would have enjoyed eating it, but am sure she was extremely happy with the fact that I cooked it for her. She understood the extra effort I took. She appreciated me for the task that actually is my responsibility. Most of the time, as parents, we say "Stop talking. Listen to me". Sometimes, it's good to be on the other side. As a parent, we need to understand the sacrifices our kids are making for us. It’s not only us who are stressed out and struggling against time. They participate in this race too, not as your competitor but as your motivation. The happiness on her face was the real motivation, and behind that smile was my real idol. We don't have to ponder when someone asks us about our inspiration. They are our own people. Younger or elder, depends on the situation.

As a mother, as a parent, I ensure she doesn't lack in any of the things. It's not a competition among mothers to win "The Best Mother" award. It's about understanding the sacrifices that our kids are doing for us. It's about ensuring they aren't really different from others. Apart from a good life, such minor things also add up in our daily happiness!

Knowingly or unknowingly they have sacrificed a lot for us. Even before they understand the real meaning of life, they have accompanied us in our race against time. They are your strength as much as they are your weakness. They have stood by you in every act, every decision that you have taken for and on their behalf. It's time to give it back to them!

Until I write up something else, you search for some quick kids recipes! Happy recipes that lead to your   happiness!