Diplomacy - as we use today

Diplomacy is the art of telling someone to go to Hell in such a way that he looks forward to the journey! I read this quote somewhere and wondered if it really means it this way. If it is so good what makes it so rare.

We have always been taught that honesty rules, and when needed, you are allowed a white lie. As we move on in our lives, we learn that in many situations it’s a good idea to stay shut or handle things tactfully. We adopt diplomacy. Diplomacy consists of, but not limited to, preciseness, politeness, and positiveness.  The purpose is to avoid ugly confrontation, disagree agreeably, and express your opinions inoffensively. Being tactful helps you maintain your equilibrium of peace, cordiality, and respect.

But, nowadays, we have lost the real meaning. For us, diplomacy means answer in gray! Say something that is neither true nor false! Unintentional, but we choose to confuse matter even when things are clear to us. How these impact in long run becomes the purpose of this post.  

When frequently used, any mode of speech becomes a pattern. Such is with diplomatic communication. Even when you know you're not wrong, you’re honest, you start manipulating answers to stay safe. When asked a question that takes an answer, either Yes or No, you discover a third answer for no reason. Why? We never realize when this turns into a habit.

“Have I grown fat”, wife with extra pounds asked her husband. For the husband, diplomacy being an escapist feature, “No, I don’t think so. Naah, you've not. Females of your age usually look good with this weight”. Nothing wrong to answer this way as you can imagine wife’s reaction and husband’s quandary, if he chooses to answer honestly J But if the truth is conveyed within the array of the actual meaning of diplomacy, the husband would have faced his wife’s anger for a while but more likely she would have enrolled herself in a fitness program and actually lost some weight J Think of long run. Don’t use diplomacy to shield yourself.

“You have run over your timeline. Need to be there in the call to explain the delay to the client” said the project manager. Not possible was the fact known, the engineer said, “There’s no way we can achieve this… But if we do X for now, we’ll later replace it with Y. And maybe, we’ll do X.1 in between”. A diplomatic answer? Actual definition would have made the engineer say “No”. A plain “No”. Avoid unwanted words that can become an onset of confusion and perhaps, confrontation.

Many a times, we need to explain our opinions loud and clear. Ensure, we are heard. To be within the frame of diplomacy, we’ll start by “Yes, I agree to what you say, But….” And, then we start with lengthy facts that create more of a court-room scene. Or, we end up being a marketing agency of our opinions! The purpose of diplomatic communication is to disagree agreeably. Say, “I understand. Here’s what I was thinking…” This will give you enough room to put down your opinion. Perhaps, it will also put others in hearing mode!

The real art is to understand when to be diplomatic and most important how to be. People take diplomacy and honesty as two different factors. Diplomacy is a trait to describe honesty in the most amicable way. It is an aid that helps you believe in yourself. When used wrongly, it takes away your confidence and ability to stand by your thoughts.

We have met and will meet a lot of people in our life. With individual and conflicting personalities, each of us stands unique. Everybody possesses a great amount of power to be diplomatic. We deal with words, with statements, and of course, with unsaid answers! And at the end of the day, we understand the diplomacy we offer each other!