Adjusting with absence

Everybody is destined to meet. Whoever you meet in the course of life was/is supposed to meet. The reason, the duration, the way they entered in your life, and the way the exited from your life - everything is already planned and destined. I believe, everything is replaceable. There is nothing in the world except few relationships that cannot be replaced. You may not find an exact match/replacement, but shall surely adjust easily.

The most number of people we meet is at work. Your professional journey has the highest number of footprints. Out of these, few leave their golden footprints on the sands of time! Just like you, I have also met a lot of people in my professional career. I have worked with many companies before I joined this company back in November 2008. However, this journey has been the longest so far. 6 years-and-still-going is not a small period. I've put down my papers and now I'm only few more days away to be an ex-employee!

In this course of time, I have made some really very-very good friends, which I never thought I'll ever get so close to them. Veena and Hetal have been really very close to me at work. Hetal is away on her maternity leave past 6 months, so it's mostly Veena and I that keep each other's company. When I disclosed my resignation news to Veena, her reaction was silent yet very loud. It contained eyes full of tears and a huge question mark on her face that kept asking "Why did you resign when you actually need the job". More than the need to know the reason behind resignation, her eyes conveyed the empty space that she'll soon have after I'll be gone. A reaction of you-are-not-replaceable really makes you feel you are very special and make you believe that there are still some people in this world who thinks your presence is needed in their life. 

However, it's a reaction that will phase out with time. When I will not be seen in the office, the reaction will subside. She'll adjust with my absence automatically. Of course, this no way means that she'll forget me or not remember me, but it only means that sometimes our reactions force us to be unhappy. And, it's very natural.

Before I met her, I too had a lot of friends with whom I used to spend time at work. When they left the organisation, I had reacted almost in a similar way. But then they were soon replaced by some other people, and those some other people were soon replaced by Veena and Hetal, and vice-versa!

What works here is the simple concept of 'Out of sight, out of mind'. When you stop seeing a person for a while, the image starts fading automatically. This doesn't mean that person no longer is your friend or not being remembered by you. It's only the adjustment that occurs in the background without your knowledge.

When you learn different ways of accepting changes, you explore the more-of-you. You know your capacity and that takes you very far. People walk in and walk out of our lives, regardless with or without knowledge. And, every time such thing occurs, you react, and then you adjust. And, it makes you more stronger.

*****     *****     *****

Veena, Hetal, if it's going to be hard for you, it's going to be harder for me. The time spent at breakfast, lunch, and snacks, will always be cherished. The pings on Skype will always be missed. Making faces whenever Veena ends up asking clarification on the simplest communication, will always bring smile on my face. And, the first time when Veena showed us the multi-touch feature of her Samsung Galaxy phone will make me laugh loud! Those knowledge-sharing-sessions on parenting will always make me feel that I'm older than you :) :)

You cannot ignore how you feel!

We are born with some eternal qualities. Such qualities that do not change with time. Rather, they become more stronger with very moment, every experience you gain. One such quality is to feel. You can never ignore how you feel. Sometimes, you just want to retrospect your once-in-a-while feelings. Maybe, not for your sake, but for others sake.

Kisi pal ko yaad karke, agar aankhon mein aansoon aa jaye,

Toh yakeen kar lena woh pal jaroor haseen rahe honge!

Kisi zakhm ko yaad karke, agar aankhon mein aansoon aa jaye,

Toh yakeen kar lena aap jaroor un zakhmo sey kuch sikhe honge!

Kisi saksh ko yaad karke, agar aankhon mein aansoon aa jaye,

Toh yakeen kar lena woh saksh aaj bhi aap key dil mein basey honge! 

Ek aarzoo aaj bhi hain dil mein, agar wo wakt mein wapas laut ney ki,

Toh yakeen kar lena aap aaj bhi woh guzre pal bhule nahi honge!

Embracing change...

Embracing change is easy. It is. Not as bad it feels as it sounds. When we are asked to adjust or replace something, we panic. We fear change. Immediately, we start thinking about How? Why? When? What if? All these questions are obvious and unavoidable.

We have a lunch group that contains few very beautiful and distinct souls! None of us are from the same project and hence all of us sit at different locations (in terms of desks and floors). Out of five, one went on maternity leave, one left the organisation, and now we are left with three of us. We have always eaten food at leisure. No hurry, no rush. Few rules we always followed - No eating at desk, No eating without heating, No skipping breakfast and newspaper, and go to canteen if you are bored. They say, 'Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince.' So what if we didn't have that kind of king-prince food, but surely we enjoyed the time-in-canteen as a king or a prince until one day..... 

there was a change in the company's policy. Because of the new policy, we had to let go our 'lunch at leisure' policy... Now, the time spent at canteen is not a part of our work hours. Any shortfall in the daily hours results in a half-day leave. So, the week when you have to leave early, you really have to be very calculative before you embark your footprints outside the barrier gates!

The routine that seemed non-adjustable, suddenly found a fluid layout! Everything got customized. Adjustments became easy. Replacements were accommodated. 

• The time-out became out-time
• The mornings that began with breakfast-in-canteen were now managed with a glass of milk at home. 
• The question 'how-can-one-eat-at-desk' automatically found an answer
• The granite table in canteen is replicated by moving keyboard and mouse on desk
• The lunch that was savored hot started tasting very-very delicious at room temperature 
• The four course meal was adjusted to two course (or was eaten at two different intervals!)

All the above adjustments, which once sounded difficult, were embraced easily. Ever wondered, why?  Two primary reasons - the external change was inevitable and the change that occurred was not informed. When these adjustment and replacement occur naturally or without you being told about it, it becomes very easy to adapt. You may not even know and when the things around you would have changed. It's not important to list down the pros and cons of a change. Neither it's needed to plan your change. Some changes in your life are not equivalent to moving a house where you need to sit with a paper and pen! Neither it requires a to-do list. Few tasks are best completed when unplanned! Such changes when left naturally are adapted quickly. Unconsciously, you start responding them in affirmative. 

Today, as I write this blog, I realize that it's so many days I have not eaten food with my lunch group. I have adapted the change to eat-at-desk so easily that I do not even wait for their ping on the messenger! The day never used to end if I would have not met my friend (who now sits on a different floor). Now, weeks pass without seeing each other! We manage our regular talks on messenger and that too very limited. 

Your thoughts are like water! They will take up a shape based on the circumstances. The only problem is you don't open the lid of the existing container to allow the water to flow! Change will come and it has to be embraced happily.

I am such a person who believes in closing the lid so tightly that not a single drop of water should spill! But then when the force increases, the lid automatically opens and the water makes its own way! Not every adjustment has to be thought in depth. Just do it!

I am missing my lunch group a lot! Hoping to adjust my routine in such a way that I continue to eat-at-desk and eat-at-canteen! Of course not simultaneously :)

You can eat alone...

I have a friend who worries when am on leave. Not because she misses me, rather for a trivial reason. She cannot eat on her own! Okay, I'll be nice to her. I'll rewrite this in a nicer way.

She needs a company at lunch. This doesn't mean she cannot eat alone, but she finds it boring to lunch by herself. She needs someone who can keep her company till she finishes her food. If she cannot find anyone, she'll change her lunch timing so that nobody can spot her eating alone!

My take on this is why can't you eat alone? Shop alone? Watch movie alone? I absolutely do not mean that you should not have a company. It's a blessing to have someone sharing space and time with you, but what if you can't have one? Wouldn't you look for alternatives?

Befriend yourself. You have a lot of capacity to handle yourself. You can mind yourself in a much better way than anybody else. You can amuse yourself in the best possible way than you can ever imagine. How come? Probably, we know ourselves more than anybody else. Our inner self knows what we want. There will not be any communication gap when you start talking to yourself. It's not about keeping yourself busy. It's about telling yourself that there are way more things to do. It's all about time, about getting used to it.

Difficult in the beginning, manageable by end!

What do i do when she is not around? Newspaper keeps me company!

Diplomacy - as we use today

Diplomacy is the art of telling someone to go to Hell in such a way that he looks forward to the journey! I read this quote somewhere and wondered if it really means it this way. If it is so good what makes it so rare.

We have always been taught that honesty rules, and when needed, you are allowed a white lie. As we move on in our lives, we learn that in many situations it’s a good idea to stay shut or handle things tactfully. We adopt diplomacy. Diplomacy consists of, but not limited to, preciseness, politeness, and positiveness.  The purpose is to avoid ugly confrontation, disagree agreeably, and express your opinions inoffensively. Being tactful helps you maintain your equilibrium of peace, cordiality, and respect.

But, nowadays, we have lost the real meaning. For us, diplomacy means answer in gray! Say something that is neither true nor false! Unintentional, but we choose to confuse matter even when things are clear to us. How these impact in long run becomes the purpose of this post.  

When frequently used, any mode of speech becomes a pattern. Such is with diplomatic communication. Even when you know you're not wrong, you’re honest, you start manipulating answers to stay safe. When asked a question that takes an answer, either Yes or No, you discover a third answer for no reason. Why? We never realize when this turns into a habit.

“Have I grown fat”, wife with extra pounds asked her husband. For the husband, diplomacy being an escapist feature, “No, I don’t think so. Naah, you've not. Females of your age usually look good with this weight”. Nothing wrong to answer this way as you can imagine wife’s reaction and husband’s quandary, if he chooses to answer honestly J But if the truth is conveyed within the array of the actual meaning of diplomacy, the husband would have faced his wife’s anger for a while but more likely she would have enrolled herself in a fitness program and actually lost some weight J Think of long run. Don’t use diplomacy to shield yourself.

“You have run over your timeline. Need to be there in the call to explain the delay to the client” said the project manager. Not possible was the fact known, the engineer said, “There’s no way we can achieve this… But if we do X for now, we’ll later replace it with Y. And maybe, we’ll do X.1 in between”. A diplomatic answer? Actual definition would have made the engineer say “No”. A plain “No”. Avoid unwanted words that can become an onset of confusion and perhaps, confrontation.

Many a times, we need to explain our opinions loud and clear. Ensure, we are heard. To be within the frame of diplomacy, we’ll start by “Yes, I agree to what you say, But….” And, then we start with lengthy facts that create more of a court-room scene. Or, we end up being a marketing agency of our opinions! The purpose of diplomatic communication is to disagree agreeably. Say, “I understand. Here’s what I was thinking…” This will give you enough room to put down your opinion. Perhaps, it will also put others in hearing mode!

The real art is to understand when to be diplomatic and most important how to be. People take diplomacy and honesty as two different factors. Diplomacy is a trait to describe honesty in the most amicable way. It is an aid that helps you believe in yourself. When used wrongly, it takes away your confidence and ability to stand by your thoughts.

We have met and will meet a lot of people in our life. With individual and conflicting personalities, each of us stands unique. Everybody possesses a great amount of power to be diplomatic. We deal with words, with statements, and of course, with unsaid answers! And at the end of the day, we understand the diplomacy we offer each other! 

Your life, full of ups and downs!

Very easy to say, 'One's life is always full of ups and downs'. But, extremely difficult for the person who is going through this ride. All of us have been to funfair. Have seated in the roller-coaster ride. We scream, we laugh, we make that frown face, and then we expel happiness. There are few little things that create such feelings. You live through each of these feelings because of those tiny little things such as butterflies in your tummy when the ride goes up, a fear when the ride gets you down, the happiness in your heart when you see that beautiful surrounding from the top, and suddenly that fright when you look down that tells you are going to hit the bottom of the earth!

Similar feelings are experienced in our lives as well. Nothing big, I've said. All of us are aware about this ups and downs. What I want to mention here is - Life is NOT like a roller-coaster ride. I beg to disagree with all those people who compare life with a roller coaster ride.

When seated on a roller coaster ride, you are aware about the next move. You know it is going to stop after a while. Regardless of the feeling, you know you are going to come out happy experiencing all those ups and downs. The moment you are out of the funfair, you are no longer going to remember these feelings.

But, with life? Life doesn't tell you what's next. The feelings that come with the ups and downs of the life do not come with an expiry date. They last forever. It creates everlasting memories. Happiness and sadness leave golden footprints on sands of time. The up time of life always make you remember the down time of your life. You're happy today, but you'll never be able to let go the sad times you once had. The people whom you left behind. You're sad today, you'll never be able to forget the happy times you once had. The people who were a part of that happiness aren't standing besides you today. Ups and downs are not opposite of each other. These are the lines that run parallel with your life. The sadness will always make you remember the happiness you once had, and vice-versa.

Hence, I would say life is not like a roller coaster ride. With the passing time, the feeling of sadness and happiness may not be there forever. It may come and go, but, the memories that it created will gain a permanent residency.

The real motivation

All of us need motivation. All of us have idols. Sometimes, these people can be celebrities who have worked very hard to earn the much-needed fame or are someone from our own lineage.

What about people who are younger to us? Can they become our ‘motivation’? Maybe, our kids? How can kids motivate us even being younger to us by at least 20 years. They haven’t earned that experience yet, and can't even spell the word correctly!

Aahana, my 9-year old  has exhibited such motivational acts many a times…

She has friends who regularly bring healthy snacks in their tiffin. What about Aahana? I reach home - tired, exhausted, hungry, and at times breathless! Thankful to my mother and cook, I don't have to contribute much in cooking. But, there's a lot of domestic work that must be completed before we hit bed. So, when Aahana shouts, "What shall I pack in my lunch box, mamma?" the most common answer she gets from me is, "Put those high-fibre biscuits, a handful of khatta-meetha mix, and some pieces of khakhra.” As the answer remains the same, just the order of items changes with every passing day.

One evening I was cleaning her tiffin, which smelled oily and spicy. I asked if she swapped her tiffin with any of her friends. “You know the kind of boiled corns we eat at the mall, my friend had it in tiffin. I loved it. And since I have dry snacks everyday, we swapped it for a change”, she answered. I asked why didn't she ask me to make it. “You are mostly short of time, you wouldn't have made it for me, would you?", she questioned.

I felt embarrassed, and later guilty! Making a corn-chaat isn't a big deal. I was always under the illusion that I don't have that kind of time where lots of domestic tasks need to be taken care of. Hence, I never made an attempt. I thought it would give me a run for time if I add one more task in the list. Finally, I decided to give it a shot on Monday. I prepared few things a night before. “Good Night”, Aahana looked at me, "Are you really going to cook me chaat tomorrow? Wouldn't you get late? I hope you'll not be upset if I don't wake up on time and then pack me some dry snacks as punishment…“ “Let's see!” is all I said.

Since she was excited, she helped me by dressing up on her own. Suddenly, she said “WoW! It smells delicious! Can we also add some butter? It's going to be much better than what my friends get. Can you cook some more as I want to share it with them. I’ll tell them you've cooked it in the morning for me! Can I have it every Monday since you'll get time to prepare a bit of it on Sunday…", she went on and on...

I don't know how much she would have enjoyed eating it, but am sure she was extremely happy with the fact that I cooked it for her. She understood the extra effort I took. She appreciated me for the task that actually is my responsibility. Most of the time, as parents, we say "Stop talking. Listen to me". Sometimes, it's good to be on the other side. As a parent, we need to understand the sacrifices our kids are making for us. It’s not only us who are stressed out and struggling against time. They participate in this race too, not as your competitor but as your motivation. The happiness on her face was the real motivation, and behind that smile was my real idol. We don't have to ponder when someone asks us about our inspiration. They are our own people. Younger or elder, depends on the situation.

As a mother, as a parent, I ensure she doesn't lack in any of the things. It's not a competition among mothers to win "The Best Mother" award. It's about understanding the sacrifices that our kids are doing for us. It's about ensuring they aren't really different from others. Apart from a good life, such minor things also add up in our daily happiness!

Knowingly or unknowingly they have sacrificed a lot for us. Even before they understand the real meaning of life, they have accompanied us in our race against time. They are your strength as much as they are your weakness. They have stood by you in every act, every decision that you have taken for and on their behalf. It's time to give it back to them!

Until I write up something else, you search for some quick kids recipes! Happy recipes that lead to your   happiness!

Lunch time, Fun time

Friends, whom we fondly relate as non-relatives, usually meet you when you are wondering "Now what will I do?" I had a similar question running in my mind when one of my friend left the organization to pursue her career abroad. I wondered if I'll have to eat on my own.

Very little time it took me to join a group of some beautiful souls! Such is a group whom I met at my lunch time at work. Different personalities, but similar goal. Such as:

• Enjoy the lunch! 
• Always heat the food, at least for 3 minutes!
• Always look for a chair, first!
• Seat across the TV and watch Glamour Show on any news channel!
• Discuss about upcoming movies, daily serials, or just gossip around known celebrities!
• Exchange ideas! (some ideas, I must tell you, have been completely out of this world :))
• Exchange information! (mostly information is related to either some kind of HR activity or a new joinee)
• Have fun!

We are a group of 5 girls (you can read 'ladies') - VK, HD, IK, DG, and myself, who eat around 1:15PM in our office canteen. We start by pinging each other in our "Lunch group". Most of the time, the first one to ping is VK. The day she is not around, we'll be lazy unless our tummy forces us to ping :) We also discuss some serious issues, exchange ideas and information, or simply investigate what your 'birthday' has to tell about you. Some ongoing, never ending discussions would be - Who shares the birthday with which celebrity, Yahoo links, name each other, etc... We recently named VK as Ms. Lee and Ms. Darwin!

• VK - A sweet girl sitting few cubicles away. A thorough professional by mind, a young bubbly girl at heart. Younger than me by at least 7 years, we tease her for being born so late than the rest of us. If mapped with my 9-year old, she probably finished her schooling when my little girl started hers :0 Nevertheless, a superb mom, who always addresses her daughter as 'Meri beti'...
• HD - A girl whom I never saw with a frown face. Always wears a smile as big as river Nile :) I wasn't knowing her until we started eating together. At first, you'll find her very introvert and shy. But, very little you'll take to discover her original self as 'a vibrant personality', who'll tease you to the core. Her witty sense of humor makes me roll in laughter. A superb friend, an honest soul, and of course, a dedicated SRK fan...
• IK - A girl whom I knew before we started eating together. As far as I can recollect, I know her ever since I am here. On and off, we have fondly interacted either due to common friends or cultural events. A strong girl, absolutely stunning personality, who'll always say 'Aap chalo mein aati hoon' - courtesy her client! Seldom she'll have anything to add in our ongoing discussions, but when will add, we'll applaud :) A brave-heart, sensual, feels cold just like me, and can make impromptu shayris!
• DG - A girl whom I knew as my project-mate. She and I had been working in a common project since long. After she returned from her maternity leave, she joined us for lunch. She is a fast-eater. No, a super fast-eater. She hates heating food and will almost finish her meal even before we would have completed half! Loves chatting and possesses a great interest in politics! A superwoman (that's the way I call her), as she never feels tired!
• Myself - What can I say about myself! It'll be a novel, if I'll start writing :) Lucky am I to find such friends in form of colleagues :)

Dedicated this blog to these beautiful bunch of ladies! Wishing it will bring back smile whenever I'll read it again! More, I hope it will help us rewind these days when we'll be at some distinct places, forwarded happily in our lives, and will think of such a lunch group :)

Ok! Friends, Mamma? Friends?

Friends, when used as verb creates magic. Tenders all the odds. Resolves most of the problems. Melts you like an ice-cream. When used at the right time, and most important, by the right person, it always creates wonders. Heals all the bad thoughts and soothes you from core. 

My 8-year old daughter, Aahana, never forgets to say "Friends, Mamaa...Friends?" As a kid, she is bound to do wrong things, misbehave at times, and irritate us by silly questions. It's normal. Any kid does that and so does she. As a mother, I am bound to be angry, express wrongly, and act dramatic. It's normal. Any mother does that and so do I :(

The trick that works between us is a magical verb, Friends! She ensures she says "Friends, Mamma?" before she says "Sorry, Mamma". She thinks, one needs to be friends first so that it becomes easier for the other person to forgive ones mistakes. She'll always come with an angelic smile and ask me to be friend with her. Later, apologize. 

On my part, there is nothing more than this act of hers that makes me feel guilty for being rude to her. There is an unsaid apology that runs within me at that moment. Things that I would have chosen to say in a louder voice automatically find the correct tone. The understanding that needs to be imparted by me finds a better way. Words that shouldn't have been said make me justify and apologize to her. 

Kids are god's own people. We as grownups lose manners with course of time. Such acts teach us patience and pour calmness. Our bad behaviors hurt them more than any scratch on their knees! Such rude behaviors from our side are poignant reminders for them. However, it's their unconditional love that ensures things close correctly. They do not have a routine or a set responsibility, and thus, they have more time to worry and think over and over again on our reactions. 

My daughter is my good old teacher, who finds patience every time I lose one!

I hope and pray, I get to hear "Ok, Friends, Mamma? Friends?" even after she matures and I grow old :) Regardless of whatever state of life I may be in, I would die for these words :)